5 Quick and Easy Ways to Get Your Mom to Drive Us to the Gig

Come on, if you do it right, she’ll totally be cool with it!

I’ll be honest, we’ve really dug ourselves into a hole. We should’ve made sure that we had reliable transportation to Billy’s garage concert before we told him we could open for Absolute Excrement. But these are the risks we need to take if we want to make it to the big time: Tiffany’s garage. Your mom could totally fit all of our gear in your van, and it’s only, like, half an hour away! I get it, you don’t know how to ask. Luckily, in between scribbling those weird S-shapes into the margins of my notebook and taking care of my five Tamagotchi’s, I’ve thrown together a list of 15 opening lines, any of which will almost guarantee us a ride to the gig. Don’t say I never do anything for this band.

  1. Doesn’t she need that casserole dish back from Devon’s mom?

Devon’s gonna be there, which means Devon’s mom will be there, so your mom can kill two birds with one stone: drop us off at the concert, and get her casserole dish back. How did I know about the casserole dish? Uh, well, I just remember when you guys were leaving Devon’s mom’s party, I noticed your mom wasn’t carrying it. You should tell her it was a really good casserole.

2. We could play our cover of that one country song she likes.

Like yeah, it’s definitely more punky the way we do it, but she might still like it. It’s a good song. Dude, can you imagine your mom enjoying our music? How rad would that be? I know she probably wouldn’t stay for the concert, but there’s a chance. Wasn’t your mom, like, a super-cool hippie a long time ago? Yeah, that’s so sick.

3. Won’t she be bored at home?

Like, your sister’s out at programming camp right now, right? And she’s dealing with all that stuff with your dad? Maybe she could use the company while she drives us to Billy’s. I’m really good at talking to people, and I’m pretty sure your mom really likes me.

4. What if she meets a really cool guy or whatever at the concert?

Like I guess there’ll be other dads there, probably. My dad’s gonna be there, but his Corvette doesn’t have enough space for all of our gear. Did I tell you he got a Corvette? My dad’s so cool, your mom and him would probably get along super well. You never know, dude.

5. Maybe she could sing with us!

Your mom’s got a pretty good singing voice, right? And she knows most of our songs seeing as we’ve been practicing at your house. What if someone notices her singing and then offer her a recording deal, and she joins the band and that’s how we make it! That’d be so sick. Imagine how impressed all the other parents would be at someone’s mom playing with her kid’s band, I know my dad would be into it. You should totally ask!

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Connor Thiessen

Connor Thiessen

Aspiring Actor, Musician, Comedian, Writer, Functioning Adult.