Interview: I Really Couldn’t Take Another Bite
“No, really, I’m stuffed.”
Last week, we were able to sit down with Michelle Bunkton, who’d finished her dinner mere seconds before we’d offered dessert. The following interview was held in discussion about her feelings and concerns regarding said dessert, with respect to her past experiences of having eaten her fill.
Q: Thanks for coming, we really appreciate you taking time out of your day for this.
A: It’s really no problem, that was a fantastic meal. You’re a very good cook. And yes, it was so nice to catch up.
Q: Absolutely. Can I get you something for dessert? Cake, or a brownie perhaps?
A: No, I’m absolutely stuffed. That casserole is very tasty, but very filling. Let’s just sit here and enjoy each other’s company for a little while.
Q: Are you sure you don’t want anything? I have the most amazing caramel & chocolate crème trifle just waiting in the fridge.
A: Thank you, but I’m filled to the brim, and my doctor said I should take it easy on the sweets and the carbs and whatnot. Feel free to have some yourself though.
Q: Are you certain? I’m really quite proud of this trifle, it’s got little toffee bits in there and the mixture of caramel and chocolate is absolutely heavenly.
A: I’m honestly fine, I’m really not hungry right now. Thank you.
Q: Listen here, you little shit. I spent hours putting together an entire goddamn meal, including the dessert, and I won’t accept stopping before the best part just because your wimpy little stomach can’t handle some vanilla pudding. You’re going to eat this damn trifle, and it’s going to be delightful, because I’m an extremely talented cook and I put in a lot of effort into making sure that my friends enjoy what I make.
A: Ah, I see what this whole brouhaha is all about. You’re trying to flex your cute little kitchen skills on me, are you? Is this about the time your husband complimented me on my stuffing last Thanksgiving? Is someone a little jealous because she doesn’t know how to properly ration out cranberries?
Q: You think I can’t ration — you’ve got some nerve bringing up Thanksgiving, in my dining room, in my house. And I’ll have you know that Jerry loves my cooking. Just the other day we were having my famous cabbage rolls, and he said, word-for-word, “You know Judy, these cabbage rolls are running circles around that stuffing of Michelle’s.”
A: Ha! Fat chance!
Q: Oh, you think so? Well, let’s just ask him ourselves and find out. Jerry’s working at home today, so I’ll go grab him now.
A: What? He’s here? Oh, no you don’t need to go get him.
Q: No, no, clearly this is a big deal for both of us, so let’s settle it here and now, and that’ll be the end of it. Jerry, can you come here?
A: Oh god.
Jerry: What’s this about, I was just about to get a triple kill — oh, uh, hi Michelle, I didn’t think you’d still be here.
A: Neither did I. Um, how’ve you been?
Jerry: Me? Oh, I’ve been fine, yeah nothing too exciting, just keeping busy, as one does.
Q: Jerry, we were just talking about the other day when I made those cabbage rolls, do you remember what you told me?
Jerry: You interrupted my work to talk about your cabbage rolls?
Q: I just wanted you to tell Michelle here what you told me when you were eating them, then you can scurry on back to your office.
Jerry: Oh, I said they were very good.
Q: But those weren’t the exact words you used.
Jerry: I can’t remember the exact words I used. Your cabbage rolls are very good, sweetie, can I get back to work?
Q: How good would you say they were relative to, perhaps, Michelle’s stuffing?
Jerry: Oh my god, are you still hung up on the stuffing? I thought we’d gotten past this, Judy.
Q: Just answer the question, Jerry.
A: If given the choice between the two, which would you take, Jerry?
Jerry: What is this about?
Q & A: JUST ANSWER THE QUESTION!
Jerry: I suppose if I had to have one or the other, I would probably go with… the stuffing.
Q: I knew it, you son of a bitch! You two are having an affair!
Jerry: What the hell, Michelle? Did you tell her?
A: Of course I didn’t tell her, you numbskull! But now she knows for sure!
Q: Both of you, get out of my house before I call the authorities!
Jerry: Wait honey, we can work this out —
Q: GET OUT! AND TAKE SOME GODDAMN TRIFLE WITH YOU!
At this point the recording device was broken as our interviewer stomped on it when she threw an entire glass bowl of her World Famous Caramel & Chocolate Crème Trifle, the recipe for which can be found on her blog, christianmomlife.wordpress.com.
