Who needs summer break when you’re dealing with nuclear fallout?

My Post-Apocalypse Travel Bucket List

When everything burns down, I’ll finally be able to go out and see the world.

I think I speak for everyone when I say that the saddest thing about a worldwide pandemic for which North America was grossly unprepared for, is that we can’t exercise our free spirits (and dispensable income) by travelling around this beautiful blue marble of a planet. That, compounded by an environmental crisis, increasing wealth disparity, and the collapse of democracy itself means that we probably won’t get another chance to explore the world until society as we know it has disintegrated entirely. With that said, here is a list of places that I am looking forward to visiting in the decimated ruins of humanity.

  1. Disney World

It was once the Happiest Place on Earth, and now it’s 30,000 acres of cartoon liminal space. Grab a bite at the Rainforest Café, which has now been taken over by mutant frogs. Animal Kingdom has never been truer to its name. It might not be a great idea to go near the Haunted Mansion, though. It seems to have received the worst kind of upgrade.

2. Area 51

There’s definitely a chance someone’s still hanging around, but I’ve got a hunch they’ll be a little less hostile about state secrets now that the government has been replaced by a hyper-intelligent tumbleweed.

3. The White House

This location’s travel appeal has increased exponentially now that it’s no longer being used for what it was built for. I can’t wait to pitch a lovely little lean-to on the dust-stained rug of the Oval Office, and think about how awesome it would be if they’d converted the building into a paintball arena.

4. Vancouver

Welcome to the only city that’s also a fully-functional waterpark! Rather than simply abandon their homes and move somewhere else, the good people of coastal British Columbia decided to adjust to a lifestyle that accommodates the steadily rising sea levels. Take the famously long waterslide down to the new Granville Island, entirely built above the ruins of the original cultural hotspot, and gaze upon the ever-expanding sea, bubbling with the intent to swallow all that we hold dear, then catch a fun improv comedy show after dinner!

5. Iceland

I’ll bet this place has managed to somehow remain exactly the same.

6. Las Vegas

Can you imagine taking an evening walk through the Vegas strip with none of the neon lights or thumping music on? Positively charming with an air of subtle intrigue.

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Connor Thiessen

Connor Thiessen

Aspiring Actor, Musician, Comedian, Writer, Functioning Adult.