Wacky Inflatable Arm Flailing Tube Man Becomes New Spokesperson for Social Distancing

“It’s like I was… born for this.”

As COVID-19 cases ravage the populace, government officials have been searching for a new, more down-to-earth ambassador for safely practicing social distancing. And it seems they’ve finally found the perfect candidate: popular celebrity Wacky Inflatable Flailing Arm Tube Man.

While Wacky Inflatable Flailing Arm Tube Man (known to his family and colleagues as Ned) spends a large amount of his time selling used cars and advertising events at big box stores, sources say he’s found a new sense of passion and purpose in encouraging the public to maintain a safe distance from each other in order to prevent the spread of the coronavirus.

When asked about his reaction to the proposition of the leadership role, Ned replied “PPPPPPPBHBHTHHBVPHHHPBHHPTHTHTHPPPPPB”. Luckily, there was a translator there who transcribed this quote: “I’ve going through something of a mid-life crisis lately. I felt directionless, as though I had no volition or impetus of my own, simply pushed and pulled by the fickle winds of life. But now, it seems as though fate has handed me a new hand, one perfectly suited to my gifts and abilities. Now, I wake up every morning and feel blessed. I’ve truly found my calling.”

The push for Wacky Inflatable Flailing Arm Tube Man to become the new ambassador of social distancing was headed by MP Gail Offare, who’d always admired Ned’s work: “I’d often see Ned on my way to work, and his energy and charisma has inspired me to this day. That’s why I thought he’d really be able to carry on the message of social distancing as less of an inconvenience, and more as an opportunity for self-expression, just like how Ned does it in his daily life.”

Wacky Inflatable Flailing Arm Tube Man lives an otherwise quiet life with his beautiful wife, Wacky Inflatable Flailing Arm Tube Woman, and their two children, Thomas and Wendy.